So here I go again. Starting another grief year. This will be the fifth one. Grief is not something that suddenly stops. It changes, it evolves but it doesn’t leave you. It becomes part of you. It’s part of me. It will always be part of me.

I remember back in 2016 thinking Life had made a terrible mistake. The roles should have been reversed. It should have been me that went first and my partner became the single parent. I must admit I had the same thought a few hours ago. Why her and not me. For whatever reason it just happened that way and I’ve had to get on with it. But it doesn’t stop me thinking that especially on the anniversary. These days I realise that I will never know the answer. It just happened that way. The key is make sure I’m the best parent I can be for our son. My partner would have done exactly the same thing. Being that parent will not happen if I am constantly inward looking. So let’s put that question back in its bid for another year. Let’s get on with the fifth year of grief by focusing on the here and now. Yes it’s the fifth grief year but more importantly it’s the fifth year of being a single parent. That’s got to continue to be my focus.


73 thoughts on “Fifth year

  1. Thoughts and prayers for you on this 5th anniversary! I can imagine those painful questions you wrestle with, but you are right about keeping your focus on the here and now. Prayers for continued strength and sunshine to brighten your days!

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  2. I, too, am into my 5th year. Just boggles the mind how fast this time has flown. I hope you find contentment and joy again my friend. No one knows more than you and I just how short life is. We have to grab it by the throat and ENJOY. Sending you hugs from Wisconsin.

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  3. Hmm πŸ€”… well loss never leaves you – it will etch a mark on your heart and mind … sometimes I can replay how I lost my others .. certain thing will trigger me to remember those moments – that call, my heart.

    Sometimes I wonder if things happened the way they did because I needed lessons? And they needed to be beside me differently?

    I also needed to have a lot of change but I didn’t know that… and all of it was so difficult… but I’m pretty strong now. I have my moments of grief too… ie mainly because I still miss so much, I wish I could have just 5 minutes back

    Those who are left behind always have to learn how to cope with the loss. We are human – we feel… nothing wrong with that

    I wish she wasn’t taken from you… I know you loved her very much. That is beautiful in itself.

    You will never have an answer as to why not you. But it wasn’t – and you still have life.

    The greatest thing you can always do is honor her memory and never forget ❀️ raise that boy amazing for her – you seem to do that very well ✌️

    I love to see your life come back!! It’s like a breath a little bit. Like for a long time you held your breath, and finally inhale life?


  4. You are definitely on the right track, Gary. You’re right. Grief does not go away, but it does evolve and fade to a certain degree so that you can carry on with life and even find joy in life. And you have a precious boy to life well for, too. That in itself is a blessing because you do have to live for his sake, a very good reason to live fully.

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