Dreams and memories are a vital part of life. After my partner died memories became my essential comfort blanket – something which kept me going. Three years later they are just as important to my soul. The occasional forgotten photograph find rekindle long forgotten life snapshots.
Dreams come in three forms for me. Those dreams of a future life, memories and those dreams which come during those all too brief periods of sleep. My future life dreams died when my partner left us. All I see is darkness. My job is to give our son the best possible childhood. After that nothing. It’s something I’ve heard from others in a similar position to me – I live through my son.
After the world changed my night dreams became a weird bizarre place. Reality completely warped. But increasingly the dreams became memory driven. Accurate replays of precious moments. This brought great solace with a few tearful mornings. But recently things have changed. Suddenly the night dreams are actual memory based but morphed in some important and strange way.
A lovely visit family trip to Edinburgh Zoo to see the Pandas. But in the dream the family trip becomes a trip round Jurassic Park world. All the actual incidents but with a dinosaur flavour.
A trip to the Royal Ascot Racing Festival held for one year at York. The Queen riding past us. 2005. Yet in the dreams it’s not Horse Racing. Sometimes it’s Dragster Racing. Sometimes it’s donkey racing. YES I get these strange morphed dreams repeatedly.
A family trip to the beach. It’s cold so it’s double jumpers. Ice cream and hot doughnuts. Yet on the first sandcastle we strike oil. Oil gushes out of the beach.
A romantic meal. Days filled of love and smiles. Yet the fine food is replaced with bugs and slugs and grubs.
A hand in hand walk round York’s Roman Walls. But instead of lovely views of York and it’s stunning Minster we see Paris on side and Nepal on the other side.
A New Years Eve Blues Brothers Themed Night replaced with a WWE wrestling night.
I could go on. So many odd dreams. I’m not a clever man so I’m not going to venture into Descartes territory. I suspect the reasons may not be that fundamental. But the bottom line is that I want my precious original sleep dreams back. Often they are all that remain of a better place. I like a bit of craziness but not here please.
My dreams don’t tend to be memories but are usually so mundane and realistic as to be plausible. I don’t dream very often tbh but I do find dreams very interesting. Thanks for the post! 🙂
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I was like that a few years ago.
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Same here Gary. My dreams have morphed too. Must be something about time passing. Not pleasant, I know. And I DO understand that darkness. It’s AWFUL. An awful feeling. Sending you hugs Gary xx
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Must admit I did find the trip to Jurassic world a bit funny. xx
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Lol I bet you did. I go all over the world in my dreans!
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I’ve tried to almost force myself to dream about visiting somewhere but it never works
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Oh dear, that’s sad, xx
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A sorrowful story about dreams.
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Thank you.
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Dreams are what they are Gary. Mine are driving me crazy lately, you can have them free-of-charge, if you like. But you said something that affected me to stop reading, “You live through your son.” Maybe you mean it in some way I am not getting, but you are the adult, he is the child. To live through him is to put a pressure on him he is too young to understand, and not old enough to take on. But neither can he refuse it, you are his life guide at present. Be his father, not his spirit-eater. Please do not usurp his childhood.
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No it’s me sharing his dreams not me putting dreams on him. That ended at 3 when he refused to support my football team.
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Smart kid. Gives you lots to talk about. I didn’t know sports existed till I was at least 6. And I still cheer for the same teams 64 years later.
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You kinda stick with them even though they might be useless.
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They gave gone through bad times (17 years out of the playoffs, followed by 25 straight years in the playoffs.) Now they are down again. Everything takes time.
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Our last domestic trophy was 1955. Not happening again…
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Ouch. That is a long time. But my “American football” team is just as bad. I think they last won in 1956, or thereabouts, which was before I even knew there was such a thing as American football, lol. But at least we are loyal fans, not busjumpers like a lot of others, eh?
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About 13 years ago we got taken over by a notorious UK billionaire. Now we are just an advert billboard for his companies. He’s sucking the soul out of the club.
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Time will pass even if the memories are still there, but I am sure that when a new illusion arrives in your life you will see things differently .. So I wish you with all my heart 🙂 … Kisses and hugs of light 😘❤🍁🍂🍂
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Thank you so much xx
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So touching to read…
…but you have just provided me with a revolutionary concept…hot doughnuts and ice-cream! Wow! How have I lived all this time and never discovered this for myself?
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Don’t laugh that was my staple food as kid on our family trips to Scarborough. Very tasty.
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I am going to throw doughnuts and dairy free ice-cream into my shopping basket next time I am at Sainsburys. Do they need to be jammy doughnuts?
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No I think the freshly made ring ones are the best as I can fill the hole with ice cream. Custard ones work well as you get a third element introduced. xx
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I have to admit…I am extremely partial to a custard doughnut…although I think it’s been about three years since I have had one.
Freshly made doughnuts? Do you mean like the ones they make at Alton Towers? Hot and sugary?
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Yes but seen similar in the supermarket- something like an Aunt Betty thing.
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I rarely remember my dream after waking up. I wish I did though as I remember who was in it but just not what it was about.
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When I was a kid I was like that. Started remembering dreams at Uni. Probably my healthy diet…….
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Hehehe probably! 🙃
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🙏
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Dreams have the purpose of organising our subconscious and helping us work through things but I can see why it is so hard to lose those relived experiences. Have you written down these memories, I mean just for you (and perhaps your son?). You could make a beautiful book where you could dip into your cherished memories anytime you like. Books transport us to another world much like dreams do but unlike dreams they remain constant where as dreams need to more on to do their job. I do understand when baby son does I used to dream of him in my arms, later I would dream of him my arms and thank him for coming but tell him I knew he had gone but my love for him never would. The dreams stopped completely eventually but 27 years on the love and memories of him are still strong.
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We did a memory jar, when we think of something it’s written down and put in the jar.
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A wise man once said: “You can never go back.”
You can’t even stand still – you can try – but time will push you on regardless. 😉
Best if we can keep a place in our hearts for those who are no longer with us – inviolate – and deal more with what we have in the present with one eye on how we can best manage whatever the future has in store for us.
You got mail.
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The nice memories don’t need bloody great T – Rex’s lumbering through them. Bloody hooligans.
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That is true.
I have a theory on the ‘why’ of that dream change! 😉
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Left field question. Have you ever tried collecting poppy seeds and replanting them.
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Tried? It’s an annual event!!! 🙂
But they are so good at re-seeding, i end up with biscuit tin loads and have to give some to ‘friends’ (who, for some reason, thank me at the time but not after they flower??) 😉
Sprinkle them after the snow/frost ends if you have any and lightly press the ground after.
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Never really worked for me.
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Hmmmm…. Do you wait till the pod has dried out and opened? Then shake the tiny black seed out and save them?
Best to pick them as they turn from green to brown and before they open at the top/side. 🙂
Do poppy pods over there turn brown as they dry out – if that thing is possible in Yorkshire?? 😉
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Yes. Problem is they don’t stay dry here.
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Having my kind of climate definitely helps i reckon!
Doesn’t help you that much tho’ – sorry. 😦
Maybe try slow drying them onto kitchen paper towels and putting in freezer when dry till planting time.
You could just lay the paper towel out on the ground and give it a very light soil cover then water? Eco-friendly! 🙂
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Yes given the state of the garden probably need water lilies.
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🙂 🙂 🦆 🦆 🦆
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🙏
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I mostly remember *that* I dreamed, but struggle to remember what they were about. Mine never seem to be as exciting as other people’s, so I feel a bit short-changed!
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For some reason I can almost fully replay the dreams for a short while when I wake up.
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There are times you might feel short-changed, but not remembering can also be good for you. But you can teach yourself to remember them, if you like. As you fall asleep, tell yourself to watch your dreams as in a theater, even if you are in them. Then say to remember them when you wake up. It usually only takes a few days before you start to remember.
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It’s funny tried that doesn’t work for me. Best if I clear my mind and see which one pops in first.
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I guess we are all wired differently. But then, I love it like that…
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It makes this world interesting
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I had read somewhere dreams are the day residue…whatever is happening at the back of our mind takes a live form in the dreams.not always I agree but mostly it is the hidden desires and subconscious thoughts that manifest in our dreams .
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Yes I think your right. It’s funny how the mind works.
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Hmmm. This resonated with me because my dreams have also changed lately and in ways that make little sense, and often just a little disturbing. I am at a crossroads in life. I feel like I have hit an unsustainable stasis and must move in one direction or another, but so far, have not done anything to change my path. I think this is leaving me uneasy and it is manifesting itself in strange imaginings that further cripple my resolve to ‘move.’ Our subconscious is often in more control than our ‘concious’ self.
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Yes I’ve tried to piece the dreams together. Some I think I can see a reason. The Jurassic Park one escapes me.
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Colette made the very point I was about to which is you might be wrestling subconsciously with turning that corner and finding you’ve put a foot forward without realising.
Might make me sound full stinking hippie but the return to an old dream of enjoying yourself in the pub with friends seems like it bothers you – as though you can’t be supping Black Sheep and being with friends.
All your other memories seem crystal clear almost in HD. Foggy, fuddled , muddled thoughts and recollection / emotions when you wake up is like you’re trying to keep it at bay. If you start returning, remember or revisiting what your wife didn’t share – what then??? You’d have to lace up your boots, put one foot forward and head towards the next chapter.
Similar theme with the random dreams i.e. romantic meal turning out to be slugs and bugs, making sandcastles on the beach and oil pouring out from it. Even T-Rex with you at the Zoo.
For every nice thing you feel or enjoy, it’s replaced by something either so random it distracts or makes you feel powerless, threatened and you can’t relax even at the zoo because T-Rex is right there trying to get at his candy floss but having a hard time cos of those little hands.
Not doing anything threatening is even worse. He could and strictly speaking he SHOULD cos he’s a T-Rex and if he DOES you are up the T-Rex Titty Shitty River.
Not gonna happen though. T-Rex won’t harm your son. Oil won’t pour out of the sand. If it did – what will you do?
Your Son is gonna be fine. He’s far more resilient than maybe even you realise. So are you 🙂
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The bit that puzzles me is the dreams started while I still drinking and seeing friends. Otherwise would have put it down to missing friends and sharing a drink with them.
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Is stress distorting your dreams? Your post describes my experience – whenever I take on more than I can, whenever I go it my own way instead of leaning against God’s wisdom.
This stage of living just for your child – it is what gets us through the type of grief that comes with death. It gives purpose when we’d rather give up. It gives strength to rise after every tearful fall.
But for your sake and his especially, it must remain a stage, not a fixed feature.
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Maybe it’s stress. Maybe it’s lack of sleep. That would explain stuff.
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I think your dreams are doing their job
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That’s probably very true.
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Definitely some odd dreams! Here’s hoping they switch back for you and get your dreams filled with precious moments again.
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I really hope so to. Hope the running is pain free. x
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Maybe change the pillow 🙂 or calming tea before bed …ok just kidding…😁 but who knows. I don’t see dreams much. I mean – at all. Maybe 4-6 times a year 🙂 I put them inside of my books. By the way, you could create a stories from your dreams, on paper…maybe it would scare them away lol
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That’s a great idea about putting the, on paper and don’t laugh. Tonight I’m trying a new pillow. Tomorrow if it doesn’t work the tea. It’s worth a stab. Have you ever had a story idea from a dream.
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Great…I may change the pillow as well, to get more dreams lol
Relaxing tea with lavender/mint or at least camomile = should work too :))
Yes, Pearl Territory is an idea from the dream. Also I had 1 more story-dream…but I had no time to work with it yet, but I saved it 🙂
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That’s really interesting. Wonder how many classics came this way.
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Many times. Some work, some are utterly useless.
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🙏
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I always pay attention to my dreams. They give me the answers I need. It’s not always the answers I *want*, but want and need aren’t the same, are they?
Of course, sometimes dreams are just gobbledygook.
💌
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It’s great when they help us.
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I think perhaps your dreams are telling you that things have changed, as the world changes, sometimes in crazy ways, but that in giving in and changing with it, it may contain surprises you are currently resisting. Understandable, wanting to cling to the past with your beloved one. It takes time. This is a story repeated over and over and over in our world. It is set up to push on in spite of loss. It took me years after my husband’s death to face the fact that terrible things, much as we would not have chosen them to happen, can lead to wonderful things if we continue to have faith in the world.
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Yes that’s a good way of looking at it.
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My dreams are crazy making- bizarre, most I can’t remember. I’m impressed with your memory.
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For about an hour after I wake up I almost replay the dream.
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Dreams are fascinating. I’ve never been good at interpreting them but they are supposed to say a lot about our lives and what’s at work in our subconscious. The ones I find most unpleasant (ie. terrifying) are the chase dreams — I hate when they show back up in my world.
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Oh man I used to get those. Always ended with me running in almost treacle or uphill which meant I was going to get caught or miss whatever I was rushing for.
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I understand.
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🙏
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Craziness. And too much Mario Kart.
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Yes maybe it’s a bit of Pokemon in mine.
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My friend … methinks you have too much on your mind. Dreams are the mind’s way of recharging, of letting off some of the angst, and from the sounds of yours, I think you have, understandably, far too much angst. I find that the one thing that helps me be able to sleep somewhat peacefully and reduces the likelihood of the night terrors that seem to plague my sleep these days is reading for a half hour to an hour right before going to sleep. Nothing too deep or political, just a good mystery or FBI thriller! It works … honest! I think it helps us transfer our own troubles into the fantasy world inside the covers of the book. Who knows? Anyway, I have no words of wisdom, but my heart goes out to you. And, I’ve got a compassionate ear whenever you want to chat. Hugs, my friend. 🤗
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Maybe I should start reading something like Asterix or Mr Men. I would enjoy that.
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I haven’t heard of either, but they sound like they would take your mind off your troubles, and that’s the goal here! Cheaper and healthier than alcohol or weed, too!
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I also find weeding in the garden doesn’t help as well.
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Ah, well, my little postage stamp garden can be fully weeded in about 5 minutes, so that’s not much help at all. You doing okay? I mean, other than the obvious.
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Still here which is a start. Need more than 5 minutes just to fight my way out of the back door.
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From the pics I’ve seen, I love your property! I live in an attached townhouse, with no room to even breathe!
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The bungalow is small but the view from the back more than makes up for that.
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Indeed so! I long for a small desert island with trees, nature, no internet, no news … just me and nature. Peace. xxx
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Yes that would be grand.
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Time for us to have coffee together ☕☕
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Indeed it is. I will look out for the very cut price airfares.
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😊
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Sorting thru, and dealing with, trauma and stress will bring about all sorts of weird dreams. Have you tried journaling your dreams? Journaling your thoughts? It might help…
Is that a concrete mile/kilometer marker of some sort?
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I write down the new ones. Then look for patterns.
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That’s why we say memories are precious. They stay with you, comfort you and caress the hurt and pain. Great post!
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They really do.
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Totally off topic but I don’t know how to contact you besides commenting on your posts. But I saw this today and thought of your son. Maybe helping him with reading will help get your mind off crazy dreams…
https://thelearningcurvepda.wordpress.com/2019/10/09/phonics-dyslexia/
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Thanks I’m going to look at that tonight
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PS. Nice mug of milk or Horlicks, couple of lightly scented tea light candles / few drops of natural lavender or jasmine on inside of a pillow or duvet.
Keep a notebook and pen next to your bed in case you wake up form a mad dream to scribble. Even easier thing is to buy a small handheld Dictaphone and tape so you only need to press a button.
Get wrapped up like a sausage roll and put on Skyrim exploration / ambience or whatever music you love and leave it playing as you nod off.
Do you all good – dog too. Mine are upside down with all four legs stuck in the air within five or ten minutes 🙂
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Never liked Horlicks for some reason. Yes our dog and car do exactly the same thing. Thinking about it. So do the Gerbils.
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Oh, my head is always weird with dreams, sadly often out of my control. Like waking up in a church full of nooses, or stumbling around the house with an invisible monster while I struggle to take a breath…
ugh, i hate dreaming. 😦 My brain just doesn’t know how to settle, and if I’m sick, I can never breathe inside the dream. It’s agonizing. I used to have zany ones, though, like the Adam West Batman riding on the swings with me. That was a good one 🙂
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Those dreams are awful. I occasionally get the ones where I can’t move and I’m late for something. Adam would have been the perfect swing partner.
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