A new walk for the two of us in North Yorkshire, we are so blessed to live here. So many places to breathe.
Although I think these shelters aren’t going to be much cop against our tropical weather….
Three days since school returned from a week off and not one single communication from a teacher. Nothing. Maybe School has given up any pretence of supporting Hawklad now.
Deep Sigh….
I was thinking back to how naïve I was just a few years ago. I kinda still assumed that life, parenting, everything, was perfectly logical, straightforward, fathomable.
Did I really think that.
What a monumental muppet.
Now I know. I know how I feel. Tired, confused, battered, walking through life’s avenues seemingly wading through unremittingly thick, bucket loads of treacle – seriously hard work.
Why was all this such a surprise to me, I just needed to look back at my parents. Bringing up 5 children, both parents having to work to try and make ends meet. Trying to maintain an old battered house which had an outside toilet and one coal fire for heating. The only holiday they enjoyed was the very rare day trip to the beach at either Saltburn or Whitby. I’m not sure they ever truly figured out their youngest child, ME, I was baffling to them. My parents trying to do all this while coping with a failed, dysfunctional marriage.
I bet they felt a lot like I do, like many of us do. Worn down, tired, disillusioned, perpetually bewildered.
If one word sums of the Yorkshire Coast, then that word is going to be BRACING….. A few brave dogs braved the North Sea but not for long. I lost a game of chicken and had to endure ice cold wet feet. That woke me up.
On the way back WE talked school. Sadly a school that is increasingly ‘missing in action’ as the May Exams fast approach, like an out of control Freight Train.
The more I see, the more I hear, the more I realise just how bad school has been for Hawklad. Looking back to when he was going everyday. He told me that he use to bin most of his pack up school lunches for two reasons. At least once a week he never got the time to eat lunch due to work requirements – I’m not sure a child going hungry is the best way to create an enriching learning environment.
The other reason, the MAIN REASON.
“Dad I used to get so stressed by school, so sad, so unhappy. I truly hated that place, I was scared of it. The teachers didn’t seem to care, the never noticed me. I was never allowed to be myself. It would make me sick, too sick too eat….”
Speaking with his NHS specialist, they can’t keep up with the tidal wave of child mental health problems in school.
How can this happen.
How have we got school so wrong, so stress filled.
The perfect weather for the Farmer to make a fence.
Peaceful and so unlike much of modern life. We spend far too much time in places that vex us. Places like Garages….. No wonder many of us are are so tired.
There can’t be many more inspiring settings to spend a couple of your precious hours than a GARAGE WAITING area 🤯😳. In this case a GARAGE kinda feeling like it’s perpetually stuck in a Downton Abbey Filming Set – that’s the lower class pleb part of the story line. This Garage feels like it hasn’t changed in decades, will never change. A waiting room definitely stuck in time. I dread to think just how many countless cigarettes and coffees been waiting for a re . Filled with ancient sofas that consume you, you instantly sink to the ground, while at the same time, rather unnervingly you start to stick to the fake once black leather covering.
So last week I found myself in this strand old place, the poorly Mercedes Sprinter Van was in need of some seriously expensive fixing. All beyond me, so I just said ‘I’m not paying, WORK is, just do it, I’ll wait’
So that’s what I did, WAITED. The unfortunate mechanic assigned to repair our rusting heap of metal said that you can get WiFi in the waiting room but you’re much better off going outside and sitting on the wooden fence. There you can use the neighbouring furniture store’s WIFI which actually works. Apparently all you need to do is to remember the Store’s wifi password. Brilliantly that password is PASSWORD.
It was far too cold to sit outside, so I opted for the waiting area.
A few moments in the waiting area suddenly made that cold wooden fence look rather appealing. Here I was surrounded by Giant Posters of Red Italian Sport Cars, all driven by what appeared to be genetically perfect models. This all helped to creat an interesting aesthetic mood, lavish car culture stuck onto a grimy yellow wall covering that might well have been white once, probably way before I was born. AND in the corner a Coffee Vending Machine, another item that looked way older than me. It wouldn’t have looked out of place in Dr Who’s Tardis. The hot drink names lovingly hand scrawled on bits of moth eaten card, randomly attached with cellotape to layers of dust. But it’s FREE. Try the Continental Dark Roast then. The machine slowly whirled into action, then the noise. It sounded like that terrifying basement boiler in Home Alone. Better stand back. That drink is not very black or coffee like. It’s RED. It’s tomato soup… Having tasted it, I wasn’t so sure. Maybe.
Few moments later I was joined by another customer who I noticed went for the milky tea option on the Vending Machine. Same noise. And the culinary result was confirmed by the confused chap saying “bloody thing has given me tomato soup”. Next customer (victim) opted for the Hot Chocolate and yes got the inevitable SOUP result.
It had to be done, I braved the vending machine in the interests of science. What happens when you press the Tomato Soup option. Yes more soup. All roads lead to SOUP.
As I was flicking through a luxury super car magazine (while struggling to finish two plastic cups of soup), I was joined on this particular sofa by another confused soup drinking customer. After a nervous soup related conversation she informed me that her ‘JAGUAR’ was getting a headlight fixed, what was I in for.
“One of the three Mercedes is playing up…”
She seemed strangely fascinated by a banged up van.
‘What’s it like to drive, is it fast, I’ve always wanted to drive a Mercedes’
Why would you want to drive a white van 🙄🙄 “it’s not great, really slow, dreadful handling, like driving a super tanker, always breaking down. In fact the Ford is better.“
She looked seriously disappointed.
‘Oh really, I thought they would be fantastic, I was thinking about getting one but I think I will stick with Jaguar then or look at BMW.”
It was only after she had driven away in her newly fixed Jaguar Sports Car that it dawned on me. Mercedes… OH. She thinks I was talking about a Mercedes high performance sports car, not our 10 year old completely driven into the ground Mercedes Sprinter Van. A van that might have sprinted once but those days had well since gone. Even Lewis Hamilton isn’t going to get that thing sprinting.
Opps sorry Mercedes, I think I might have cost you a customer.
Know that feeling when someone asks you to do something way beyond your abilities… think me and hairdressing, think me and parenting,mainly me with scissors (or to be more precise, dog sheers – don’t tell Hawklad).
Well that was me last week.
I’m not very good with anything which has an engine, four wheels and a steering wheel. I can drive them just don’t ask me how they work, might as well get me to explain why Avatar is anything other than a monumental CGI bore fest. So what were WORK they thinking about when they got their numbers guy to get the three work vans fixed. I nodded vaguely as the various technical gremlins were explained. They had lost me almost immediately at ‘the bonnet release is in the passenger side footwell’. After five minutes of explanation all I could manage was
So basically those three big white things are poorly.
A few hours later I found myself at the Garage Reception with one big WHITE THING badly parked outside, I’m not a natural white van driver. I had memorised the many things making this particular van POORLY. Here goes, time to try to explain the faults to the Garage Owner.
Why was he looking like I was speaking in a foreign language confirmed when he said ‘YOU WHAT’. I started again then realised, I WAS IN FACT SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE. The night before I had been going through my German Course and it had been rather aptly been a module called ‘CARS and key parts’. Staggeringly this muppet had tried to explain van faults in a combination of English, Yorkshire and GERMAN. Clearly this particular Garage Owner had no idea what ‘AUSPUFF’, ‘AUTOBREMSEN’ and ‘REIFEN’ meant.
At least that part of the course had sunk in with me.
Anyway I tried to tell the bemused chap about my German Course and why I clearly sounded like I was a completely crazed crackpot. I’m not sure he was that impressed.
“Not much call for German round here lad, we’ll unless you are on your holidays to the beach in somewhere like MADRID. Personally give me Scarborough….”
So much I could have said to that on the geographic location of Spain’s Capital vis-à-vis the distant coast and even more distant Germany, but wisely I bit my lip.
Part Two to follow when we throw in to the mix, sports car envy and a million year old coffee vending machine that fights back TERMINATOR style….
Still no snow has shown up at our little hilltop village. It’s getting harder apparently to get the perfect conditions for snow in this part of Yorkshire. But just thirty minutes drive and we can get into the Moors. These Moors do get snow….. So a couple of weeks back we headed over to get some of that elusive white stuff. Night time is perfect, Hawklad gets the place to himself.
It’s only a short drive but you do feel so far from civilisation. No school here. These places are so special and wow the night sky. No light pollution.
This is what this looks like during the day and much later in the season. Perfect.
Perfect location for wonderful literature like The Secret Garden. The Secret Garden’s themes of rebirth and healing, we could all do with some of that.
As we wandered across the snow covered ground with just the light from our head torches to illuminate the way, it’s much easier to forget the trials of the day, well at least for a few moments. The school journey isn’t going well……
Minimal support, so it does feel like it’s a never ending fight against the system. What’s crystal clear now is that school has only given us access to a fraction of the course material over the 2 years Hawklad has been away from the classroom. With just a few months until his final school exams and he has so much to do just to catch up never mind revise. I genuinely fear that there is just too much to do in those few months. He simple isn’t going to get a fair chance in those exams through no fault of his own. He so wants to start college in September, to take the next step. Why is this so hard. Why is the system seemingly so keen to write him off without given him a chance.
Just a few moments walking across the desolate moors, forgetting all this, it does feel good. Sadly that feeling doesn’t last long enough. Two weeks on from that snow adventure and this schooling struggle is just getting harder and more frustrating. We could really use another snow adventure, find our own SECRET GARDEN.
Thankfully looking in the opposite direction to School
School is school.
School is so school.
School is so 😱😱😱😱ing school
Support from school seemingly dwindling away. A school report that had more gaps and missing information than a Donald Trump Tax Return. But at least I had booked video slots with each teacher on the Year 11 Online Parent Evening. A chance to get feedback, to give an update on how Hawklad is doing, to plan the next few months. Teachers spending time with every parent… well all apart from one parent.
Ok….. 20 minutes from the start of the first online teacher meeting and then an automated email from the booking system…
Our meetings had all been cancelled by School……
The reason from the Head of Year
They (some of his teachers) are concerned that; because they have not seen him in school for a number of years they do not have a great deal of feedback for you.
😱@🤦♂️#ing unbelievable
For a start the teachers have made no effort to contact him in two years, it’s been us trying to chase them. Hawklad has been diligently completing every piece of work that appears on the online school system, sending his work in, completing every single piece of homework that appears on the system, completing the tests and papers. He’s been doing that for two years. I’m sorry but the teachers should have more than enough feedback on that. The only conclusion is that most of his work has not even been looked at by school. The blanks on his report, the lack of any teacher marking on his work provide further evidence of that. Plus surely a teacher would want to know how one of their students is doing if they are not able to see that pupil in person. What’s going well, what’s not going do well. Find out if there is anything they can help him with.
Apparently not……
So where does that leave Hawklad apart from having a school that doesn’t care. A school more than happy to pick up his state funding and then reallocate it to other budgets. A request for external support to be funded from his education funds was turned down just two months ago. The Head deemed that it wasn’t a priority for his limited budget..
So the Award winning School is down to one job now, arrange Hawklad’s exams, exam location and invigilators. That’s a nightmare to organise as a parent in this country. Even with that job school had to be forced into doing that, they clearly were considering not enrolling him for the exams. I’m trying to find out if they have even bothered talking to the Exam Board about Hawklad’s unique circumstances.
His education and exam preparation will be without school support. If school do try to help then it will be a bonus but we are not holding our breath. I will try to find ways to get him a place at a college which does not rely on these upcoming exams. If I can then I will give Hawklad the option of not sitting the exams. He really could do without the additional anxiety that this process is already starting to heap up on him. He is also at such a massive disadvantage in these exams compared to his classmates, almost like he is being set up to fail by school. Set up to fail not because of his abilities or hard work, but because he doesn’t fit the education system.
We are just 5 months from the final exams. Hawklad wants college as the next step forward in September. Maybe college in person, maybe home based. It’s all about helping him get there. Whether that’s via these pesky exams or through a Plan B, we shall see.
At last, some negative COVID tests. Finally the taste of coffee has returned, not fully, but I can taste it now. Spicy foods are still hit and miss, the strongest of curry flavours only produce a bit of a sweet taste but zero spice. With Hawklad his messed up taste is fish related. Prior to COVID he loved fish, now apparently the taste is horrid. Most bizarre. Plus an annoying, never ending, simultaneously blocked and runny nose. But in the scheme of things, luckily a seemingly minor bump into COVID.
As a result a very quiet and isolated festive holiday so far. Hawklad could really do with more social life with friends his own age. Maybe that can come if he gets to College in September. At least meeting with people who can master the rudimentary elements of FIFA23. A game most appreciated by Hawklad during COVID. To me it’s the gaming equivalent of Nuclear Fission and completely beyond my advanced levels of muppetry. How can randomly pressing four buttons and two triggers be so hard…..
In less than a week it’s over and pesky school is back.
Generosity can make you smile, give you a warm feeling. Sometimes it can actually give you the giggles.
Just received an email from our much loved and very cheap (😱😱😱) electricity supplier who never ever make massive profits by charging too much…. They are running a scheme where they ask customers to cut power usage during peak times so that we as a country avoid running out of this piped electrical gold. In return customers receive a discount on the next bill.
Well the email from them did give me the giggles. See GENEROSITY even from the unusual sources is a good thing and it even took a bit of strain off the creaking GENERATORS.
£1 currently gets you 1.13 Euros, or 1.20 US Dollars, or 1.64 Canadian Dollars or 100 Indian Rupees. Living the DREAM today🤣🤣🤣🤣
But now a few days of less cold weather. If it’s not going to snow then the weather can keep its pesky ice then….
Snow hasn’t called yet, but Covid finally has. Double whammy, we both caught it. Fortunately so far it’s been just cold like for Hawklad. A weird cold for me. I could almost feel like it was going round the body trying to find a weakness. Throat, then try the nose, then try the head, then the chest, then try the tummy, then try the joints, then back to the throat. Not too bad at all, just annoying.
The other weird thing for me has been TASTE. I can still taste most things but not everything. COFFEE taste missing, CURRY taste missing, CHAI TEA taste missing. It’s bizzare drinking a Coffee and tasting just water. Eating CURRY and getting nothing. I even tried a super strong curry powder I had mistakenly bought one shopping trip. Normally it would have blown my socks off, but now, NOTHING……. But again fortunately, I have started to get the faintest of coffee experiences again this evening, maybe this tasteless period is very temporary. But please tell me ……. why I lost the good tastes like COFFEE yet the horrible Chesty Cough Medicine taste is unaffected…. Maybe this is the time to try Brussels Sprouts and Beetroot, maybe this is the one time I can eat them without pulling a proper face.
So we patiently wait until the tests go negative, at this rate we are going to not get the cards sent off, especially as a two day postal strike is looming. Postal strikes, train strikes, nurse strikes, is there nothing this Corrupt Government can’t purposely screw up.
More grey weather. More puddles. Still banned from using a hosepipe by the Water Company. It’s a drought you know.
School is being very like school. So far this week, out of 16 lessons only 2 provided any material for Hawklad to try at home. Actually that is just one subject, radio silence from the other teachers. It does feel like in most subjects we have transitioned into full on homeschooling. Maybe school’s function now in most subjects is just to sort out the arrangements for the final exams, the teaching is down to me. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 clearly they haven’t seen my old school reports 🤣🤣🤣Well at least we can work the homeschooling around the World Cup Matches.
There are far too many children who are struggling or who are at risk. Safeguarding was everything before Covid shuck up the schooling systems. Not sure it is now….
I can’t remember the last time someone from school asked how Hawklad was doing, how is he feeling, are there any issues. It’s well over 2 years since anyone from school has directly spoken to him. Not one teacher has heard his voice in that time, communication has been through the very occasional email. Ok they might think I’ve got things covered but don’t they have a duty of care over the well-being of one of their pupils. Are all parents trustworthy? Should they not check. Should they not at least arrange to speak to the pupil directly. Am I being naive, maybe schools are just focused on exam performance these days. Hawklad’s School is clearly ticking all the right boxes as it’s rated as Outstanding by the authorities.
A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. 