Three years ago I was trying to get my head round organising my partners funeral. At the same time I was trying to empty my mums house and wrap up her loose ends. My head was completely spinning. I was in full zombie grief mode.

One family personal trauma doesn’t stop the world from spinning. It carries on regardless. So I was immediately faced with continuing the application for our sons Education Health Care Plan. Sat bewildered at my partners desk trying to find on my own the words for the final application form. The words came so easy when it was two minds. Now the one failed me. Then the black pen stopped working. Couldn’t find another and the form had to be completed in black on the pain of ……

So I set off to the shops to buy a pen. But quickly I was lost in a sea of grief and unanswered questions. An hour later I found myself at a random garden centre. Clearly a good choice for stocking up on pens. I wandered around aimlessly looking at plant after plant. The cctv must have been focusing on me as I was clearly not acting like your ordinary shopper. Then I came across a sad looking tree. Actually more like a snapped twig. The label said ‘discounted Pear Tree due to damage’. I felt sorry for this broken life form pushed to a dark corner of the store. Now no more that an afterthought. It felt like me.

So I went in looking for pens and came out with Groot (Marvel Universe).

Over the next three years Groot has grown and is now about 5 feet tall. Looks surprisingly healthy. AND this year for the first time it’s produced pears. Just FOUR pears. But it’s not the fruit crop which is important here. It’s something completely different. It’s HOPE. When personal tragedy strikes your whole world is turned upside down. It will never be the same again. You move from creating memories together to replaying memories in isolation. But you can’t live your life in those memories. Life has to go on. In my case life did go on. Yes I miss her dearly. Yes sadness always feels just round the corner. Yes I’ve become increasingly isolated from society. But life has gone on. Sons Education Health Care Plan was approved. I’ve changed careers. Progress has been made with Dyslexia. The house no longer feels like a funeral parlour largely down to the addition of a barking mad dog. I’ve increased the range of foods I can destroy. And Groot is thriving. That gives me hope.

79 thoughts on “The tree of hope”

  18. That is a beautiful looking pear! – and it survived Captain Chaos as well! A Tree of Hope indeed! One for The Ages! 🙂

    Just because you may not know exactly what it is you are doing it doesn’t mean you aren’t doing the right things!! Black pen hunt is a case in point. Remember that!

    Hold on to the Hope (and a sense of humour) and it will pull you through anything/everything.

    You are doing a wonderful job on the dad and fruit tree raising fronts and i congratulate you Sir!

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      1. Not sure that is all that convenient! 😉 – or that much of a deterrent for CC?

        When we had our German Shepherd (Tsar) one of the things he loved to do was squeeze between our side fence and a massive patch of pampas grass – the 6ft kind with leaves with edges like rusty razor blades!

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      5. Love this, and glad to read The Pear Tree of Hope is with you, I can sense a shift with this and your other blogs about the healthier food regime and exercise- you sound stronger. All the best.

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  19. You know you just reminded me that after my first miscarriage I too found myself in a garden center. Just like that, aimlessly wandering, not really intending on going there but ending up there… I can’t remember if I bought something, but I remember feeling better, even just for a few moments. 🙂

    Groot (lol) is thriving which is fantastic. 🙂

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  20. You move from creating memories together to replaying memories in isolation. <—well that hits the nail on the head.

    Isolating yourself is not good for you or your son. I hope one day very soon you realize YOU are also a gift….and give yourself back to the world to appreciate.

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