Roman berries

Small and a beautiful berry. Not great to taste raw but apparently you can make great marmalade from them. I will leave them for the birds.

These 6 weeks tend to be tough for me. Your probably bored of me saying this but here I go again – me, me, me – in 2016 I lost my mum at the end of July, the week after the funeral I found out that my partner was dying and she died at the end of 6 week period.

Since then, this part of the year is tough. Best not make it any tougher.

I love music. It’s always been a special part of my life. Some would question my musical taste. I do like a bit of Leonard Cohen. Partial to a bit of classical music. Enjoy traditional Scottish music. But mainly it’s Rock. Often heavy Rock. Even some Mongolian Metal. But during these 6 weeks I have to be careful. It’s a fine line between smiles and tears. Let’s not have too many tears. With me music has the power to send me both ways. So for the next few weeks it’s a filtered playlist. No sad songs. Absolutely no sad songs. Zero heartfelt songs. No songs about death, dying young and lost love. Queens – ‘Who wants to live forever’ is just a big fat NO. The soundtrack to ‘Love Story’ is an even bigger, fatter NO. Don’t even start me on Terry Jacks – ‘Seasons in the sun’.

So it’s time for those songs about dragons, monsters, cars, highways, parties, card games, fun and high spirits. Yes love sounds but they have to be happy ones. That’s my playlist. Absolutely NO heartfelt songs.

108 thoughts on “Heartfelt songs”

  1. I can so relate to this. In 2005 my Dad was dying, I was in hospital. It was just a terrible time for the family. Coldplay’s kFix you’ is a song I can never listen to now. Similarly, ‘Eye of the Tiger’ was played at my grandson’s funeral last week. So that’s a big fat NO for me! Keep writing. Your posts are so honest and inspiring.

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  5. My ‘no’ list is pretty lengthy. Mainly jazz, rap, modern pop or is it pap music!.
    Regardless of circumstances I just find it unappealing to the ear and there’s a sameness about much of it that just grates.
    Music is mood.

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      1. Fair enough. Depends on the song but there are only two or three I can listen to.
        There’s something about Adele that grates..artists that get over exposed kill my mood.

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  7. Do you go the whole six weeks without ANY Cohen? That’s gotta be torture. But there is one song, “Elegy for Janis Joplin — Chelsea Hotel #1” that should suit this time period for you. It is his happiest song that I know of.
    As for Terry Jacks’ song, I think it is the worst song ever written, not just the worst song ever recorded by a Canadian. Your yard must be a little bit of Canada in Yorkshire.

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    1. I don’t know if I should do this…
      …but I find tears come even with the first line with this song.
      But if makes me glad I have known love and that love has an indelible effect. It makes me feel honoured that the special people who I carry in my heart are part of me, they are part of what I think, what I say and what I do. The world who may have never known them personally still gets to benefit from those special people, because they are a part of me. I live with pride that those special people are woven into my fabric and I can make them shine through in so many little ways.

      Go and find a hanky before you listen to this:

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      1. Or maybe we should just stick to the Chipmunks?
        But whatever you do…don’t exclude the miracle of crying. I cry every year during what is really tough time and I am very protective of my right to let my tears flow. Without those tears, I would be in absolute agony inside. I have to let out the anguish. Every tear to me is precious.
        Now that the shops have recovered their stocks of Kleenex…it means there is less chance of flooding your home ❤ ❤ ❤

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      3. I showed Jack your post…and he told me I was a numpty for tagging a tear-jerking song!
        I am making a very special scone (as in singular)… apple and blackcurrant flavoured beast of a scone. Although, it would not last five minutes if I put it in the post…but we will dedicate it to you instead!

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      5. He is trying to cure my bully of a headache by kissing the side of my head….which is very sweet of him. We rested this morning, went for a walk this afternoon…and now the joint baking project will begin.

        Tandy from Lavender and Lime is holding a scone spectacular. Jack is so gutted he did not win a STAR BAKER accolade…he wants the crown of KING OF SCONES. So…I have to supervise. Because last time he was here, there was a serious incident…and that was just him baking with the microwave. Now I am letting him progress to baking in the oven…who knows what could happen!!!

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  12. Anniversary seasons/dates are always tough, and require lots of advanced planning like you are doing by knowing what music is on the no fly list. They may also provide an opportunity to see how far you are from the early raw and all consuming grief days. (even though somedays feels very similar and may make you doubt that you have shifted at all) I greatly admire how you continue to strengthen the connections with your loved ones as you find ways to keep making life something grand even amidst the inconceivable realities. Moment by moment and breath by breath.

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  13. I’m so with you. The wrong piece of music can produce a veritable flood for no reason whatever, just suddenly I am crying for everybody’s pain. Will keep you in my positive thoughts till you are safely through these bad weeks. Do they affect Hawklad badly?

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  15. No sad songs, no sad videos, no sad movies. It must be so hard for you with your son right there, trying to keep your emotions in check for his sake. Thinking of you and wishing you peaceful thoughts during this hard time.

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  16. Grief has pathways. They intertwine and often lead us in unexpected directions. Take it easy on this journey. I always tried to remember grief can be like that line in the song “Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug.”

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  18. For years I used to avoid certain places, places where people knew us before grief came one night. Sometimes, despite all the caution firmly in place, things still happen. Songs sneak up on us. Someone slips through, asks the dreaded question and our answer gets stuck in our throats. Like you, I’ve learned to be careful, to never assume anything about grief, most of all to assume I’m over it: there is no such thing for many.

    This year, I heard a new release by Natalie Grant – Praise in the Storm. It’s the kind of song I’d avoid like the plague mid June through the whole of July. But I got the feeling someone wanted me to listen to it.
    And to let the tears find their hollows.

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      1. Thank you … sending you one also 🤗

        It’s ok… I was blessed to have them while I did – and I have incredible memories ❤️ they make me smile

        I only cry to miss them, and want them back.

        It’s been a few years now. I still miss … but there’s a level of acceptance now too.

        The funny happy memories are better to remember – I was blessed with those ❤️

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      2. I lost my Dad when I was at Uni, but so blessed to have had mum almost to her 90th. Especially as she had a massive stroke when she was 80 and we were told that was it, not waking up. 2 days later she told the doctor to bugger off and was back at her home 4 weeks later. Yes with a limp and a weak arm, but in great form and we got another 10 bonus years. x

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  24. I’ve got my list of “crying” songs… sometimes you need to let the tears flow… and sometimes you need Kiss “Lick It Up” or ACDC Back In Black 🤣🤣🤣🤣
    Keep On Rockin In The Free World🎶💃🏼😎💌💌

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  28. That’s such a fine line to walk! My significant other died back in the early 90s (I have intentionally forgotten the date & year), looong before Lana Del Rey became popular. But “Video Games” WRECKS me, because I know he would have loved every last thing about it, and her. If I happen to see/hear it, I compulsively binge it and have a good cry… mix of happy memories and the pain of loss.

    I’m glad you’re posting. I hope it helps you. I know it helps others.

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