Red sky – delight or warning?

For a couple of weeks I had been thinking about doing a list of things which might help make homeschooling work. But then Robyn published her wonderful post about Successful Online Learning. Robyn said it way better than I could ever do, so I thought let’s forget about my post. But then the inner muppet took over. How about tips on making a complete dogs dinner of Online Learning. I can do that. So here goes a Muppet Guide to Homeschooling.

  • Don’t bother checking the unused school bags which have been sat next to the front door since March. There is absolutely no chance that half eaten sandwiches and bananas might be still squashed in there. Even less chance that damp PE kit might still be festering under the mouldy school lunch.
  • Make sure you buy new and expensive school uniform items a week before schools shutdown for a pandemic. Absolutely no possibility that your kid will shoot up several sizes in those few months.
  • When the PE teacher asks for the parent to also take part in home games lessons, you have only one sensible response. Absolutely, it will be fun to show off to your child that you are still a sporting Super Being. There is no conceivable risk that you will pull every single muscle in your body and that you will be completely humiliated by your beloved offspring.
  • The Xbox is a perfectly acceptable online educational tool.
  • When you hear the words SCIENCE LESSON and MOLECULAR STRUCTURES in the same sentence then immediately pretend to be on a works call for the next two hours. The same principle also applies to the words MATHEMATICS and CALCULUS.
  • On a similar theme the words RELATIONSHIP And SEX EDUCATION should immediately bring the response – “go and speak to the other parent”. If that is not practical then it is perfectly acceptable to run outside and spend the next hour cutting the grass in the pouring rain.
  • Letting your child watch wrestling videos during a Citizenship Lesson is perfectly in line with governments curriculum.
  • It is perfectly acceptable to attach a profanity to any reference to DRAMA lessons.
  • A can of Pepsi, bag of crisps and a chocolate bar represents a balanced school lunch.
  • When homeschooling first starts you have this real commitment to fully focus on your child’s education. To sit with them. To be that one on one teacher. That feeling lasts for at most a couple of hours. You start to waiver with frequent trips to the kitchen for a hot drink and a biscuit. Next you sit next your child but secretly try to look at your emails and news feeds. It finally breaks down as your openly start playing Crossy Roads.
  • You don’t need to worry about charging the school iPad up. Your diligent child will always do that…..
  • It doesn’t make you a bad parent when you tell your child to ignore the instructions of the French Teacher and to use the Google Translation App.
  • Never get drawn into debates on History. You have zero chance of winning those – you haven’t read a history text in decades and watching the Ozzy Osbournes history tv show does not count as an Academic Qualification. Best approach is to just smile and nod.
  • For absolutely any Geography question your only responses should be – ‘The Himalayas’, ‘The Nile’, ‘Coastal Erosion’ or ‘Go and watch the Discovery Channel’.
  • When you restock on pens from Amazon never buy the cheap multipacks. You will never use the Red and Green ones.
  • For Food Technology it is perfectly acceptable to let your child watch any Gordon Ramsey Show.
  • Try to avoid saying things like ‘In my day’, ‘That’s not what I was taught’, ‘The Dinosaurs were not extinct yet when I was in school’. These all may give the false appearance that you are in fact an old fossil.
  • When your child has to do an art project never say ‘what is it supposed to be’ when you see the completed work for the first time. That’s not cool parenting at all. Much better to say ‘that’s nice’ or ‘that’s better than an Andy Warhol masterpiece’.
  • You might think you are an expert in computing. This might be backed up with academic qualifications. But never ever get involved in anything to do with technology. Trust me, let your child deal with the computer stuff. In fact let your child sort out your mobile at the same time.

There you go. Don’t follow any of my tips and you might make homeschooling work for you. Even better go and read a post like Robyn’s, she knows what she’s talking about….

Remember homeschooling can be FUN.

71 thoughts on “Online Education

  1. Smiling… I’m pretty sure there is still a use for those red and green pens. Chopsticks? (No wait… don’t try that.) That rules out stirs sticks. A stake for a very small plant? Something to fill a hole in a bucket? Something to keep your window very slightly a jar? Hair accessories? Hat accessories? Wow… my brain is sharp tonight. Must be gazebo life. 😀

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      1. 😂 So, no gazebos in Yorkshire unless they are permanently cemented into the ground. That roof has to be pretty sturdy too I suppose. Maybe a bunker would work better in Yorkshire. Nope… it would quickly fill with rain and become a swimming pool. Even trees aren’t safe shelter in Yorkshire. You live in a very adventurous place. Ah well, where there is a will there is a way. I’m pretty convinced that you’re super enough to find your way even through that tough Yorkshire weather. You have made it this far. Wow I got chatty… 😀

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      2. You did get chatty. 😀 Yes an uncemented Yorkshire gazebo is tomorrows airline pilot hazard. In the words of Monty Python and the Yorkshire sketch – ‘Well when I say ‘house’ it was only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of tarpolin, but it was a house to US’😀

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  2. Yes! Fun! The UK SCHOOL in The Netherlands was sure my grandson would be way behind (because of homeschooling) and would be fine with the testing for placement… “no more than 20 min. An hour later he was going…. he was way ahead of the class, but for social reasons was kept with his age group, but now the school doesn’t know its hands from its feet. Sheesh.

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  3. I remember the time well when I had check on my kids’s homework in the beginning, and to practice with two of my kids for maths or German. It was a horror for all of us. Also, I had to do maths with my daughter during the summer break which was not amusing for her of course. But she had a lot to catch up with to be ready for the next school year. I can only imagine how challenging homeschooling can become and I am glad, I don’t need to deal with it. But yes, if I had to, I would find ways to make it fit for everyone… thanks for the tips 😂

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      1. Awesome! My kids speak at least two languages (German and English), They learned French too but don’t use it much. My daughter spent 6 months in England and one month in France to learn the language. When she was three years old we spent a year in the States. Her English was perfect at that time.
        My older son was born in the States but was too little to speak English at that time. He had to learn it in school later and also learned some Russian during his time at University. My youngest son speaks English and German. He learned French too but never liked it and lost a lot already. So did I. I learned English, French, and also Italian. I have difficulties finding the words and forming the grammar in Italian and French but I understand it pretty well.
        So, not as many languages as you speak… hehe.

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      2. Even thougth I am not speaking Italian of French fluently anymore, I know the words and when I hear something in a relative language like spanish I can deduce he meaning from French or Italian. It really helps!
        Swiss German is actually not a languag but only a dialect. And yes, it is even difficult to understand for those who speak high German. But also the dialects spoken in Liechtenstein, Austria or Germany can be difficult to understand.

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      3. It depends on the channel… lol! But we are basically watching Austrian or German channels and there are quite a lot of them. There are also Swiss channels… but I only watch thoses if there are good movies played… hehe. The movies are generally all synchronized.

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      4. Really? I don’t know about the channels in the UK, to be honest. There are lots of private tv stations in all the three countries. Yes, definitely a channel hopping at times.. lol

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  4. That was kind – thank you! Although I must admit, I wrote that post because I had done at least half of these things. When I was telling the kids “Just Google the answer if you don’t know” I realized I was teaching them bad learning traits instead of good ones. Since we have to try again, with me at the helm, we better start in a better place (and leave Google as a last resort 🙂 .

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  5. You are so hilarious! Lol

    It is definitely a different adventure! New decade new life

    I am the same way with Mathematics 🧮 it’s been a long time and that was NOT my strong suit – I pass that off on her brothers … and with them I would pass them off to my father – he was an electrical engineer ❤️ the oldest is smart with math like him

    I am VERY forward with sex education lol whatcha wanna know? Lol … and I tease the boys – bring home one I like lol… with her I say… you warn him the first time he meets me… cause yeah – I’m gonna be scary lol – boy better be able to handle that ✌️😘 also inform him you have 2 other brothers behind me lol – she rolls her eyes but I’m not kidding

    Ohhh I could go up against him in history!!! ❤️ history and science are my favorite – she avoids asking me questions on those lol (because 5 hours later lol)

    I actually like it and prefer it… I like it because I am not going crazy getting her here and there and everywhere – that’s been nice – we don’t have buses Unless you pay – so nope

    And I am lucky my job is flexible with letting her come with me – she hides away. She pretty good with the homeschool… but I think they still want them on a strict school schedule? So she kinda groaned at that… she wants it on her times… but is good she has a schedule. The real world has schedules (usually)

    Here we go again – ready? Lol

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    1. Our school ran a full school timetable at home. With work having to be submitted at the end of the online lesson. Sadly too many schools didn’t do much. Sent the kids home with a few books and let them get on with it. But kids will be kids. The government has instructed schools to close down all online teaching now. Schools will open come what may in September.

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      1. Last year we had school but they didn’t know what doing and was up to you to keep schedule and do work… as long as the work got done they were fine – but it was crazy

        What?? 😮 that’s insane – they don’t even give the option? 😮

        Well maybe your country does better – I think is kinda dangerous…

        United States is doing horrible with the virus!!

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      2. None of them have ANY idea what they are doing!!! Crazy

        But in there position – I don’t know what I would do either …

        I would not open the schools – sorry nope… that’s gonna be like wildfire – wrong move – not right now.

        I know it would be hard on parents – they need to put protection for mortgages and rents and all those things right now!! So parents can make it through one way or the other – both parents working and little children that’s gonna be an issue. Someone is going to have to give up a job or work from home.

        It’s definitely a difficult call.

        And for single parents even worse.

        I still would not open schools but I am saying that cause I am watching my area and I work at a funeral home – I am seeing them come in with the corona cases

        It’s a mess over here and the election is approaching Oh my god! Winter is coming… flu season… it’s gonna be bad as is. I am bracing 😳

        Our schools are required to give us an option if they can… currently they are not allowed to open. Distance learning only (aka homeschool) they want to open but they can not until cases stop rising and it has to be level or below for 2-3 weeks before they can have a go-ahead… that’s not gonna happen… too many people doing life

        We are required to wear masks now – but we also have the anti-maskers 🤨🙄 most wear masks though and you are not allowed inside establishments without a mask “period”

        It’s messy. And we have Trump right now – who doesn’t relate to shit ugh – he just makes it all a million times worse!!! Every time he opens his mouth I cringe!! God!!! Is your guy as bad as mine?

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      3. That’s a myth… they were saying this morning that kids will probably pass it faster and we all be in trouble… the kids may be fine but the can infect the entire household and whoever else even if you isolating

        And yes… germville – I worked at a school … you are in an enclosed building – mask or not… it’s gonna go through fast!

        My opinion anyway… I don’t think a good idea for them to do and it worries me – I don’t want to see so many deaths!!! They need to hurry up on the vaccine!!! And then that’s gonna be a shit show too… cause the entire world will want and need also. Definitely tough times!!!!

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      4. The government are now saying they have research which shows that it’s safe. What they are less keen to tell people is the research is based on classes with very few children attending. They also are just picking on the finding that classes with very young children are not showing any raised risk. But not mentioning that for classes with older children the risk is the same as for adults.

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      5. That’s not what saying here. Not what they telling us. They are saying spreads faster with kids… Florida having huge issue and fights over this!!

        They are telling us the opposite

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