It’s early morning and I’ve just finished my workout outside in the breezy Yorkshire air. Son is still asleep safe inside. I’m looking out into the distance and seeing no sign of human life. In the far distance you can just about see the main road leading to the coast. At this time of year it should be nose to tail with caravans and cars packed with excited families. Today it is completely deserted. I patiently waited for five minutes. Not one vehicle. Then I fall backwards and look at the heavens. An empty sky. Yes clouds and fleeting glimpses of lukewarm sun, but not one single aeroplane. To the East we can see one of the main air corridors. We often excitedly get the Flightradar24 app out and check where the many planes are heading. America, Canada, Europe, Asia. Today nothing. Not one single vapour trail.

Has the world stopped turning?

Three years ago our little home stopped dead yet the world kept turning. It was a harsh lesson. Even when good people leave us the vast majority of the world is oblivious. In the days after the funeral I would question

Why has the world not stopped…..

Well it appears to have stopped now. Yet does it help. NO.

Later I am inside listening to music on the radio. It’s a sobering experience. Usually listeners are requesting celebratory songs for weddings, anniversaries and birthdays. Today the airwaves are frequently filled with songs dedicated to rock lovers who have lost a fight with an unseen new enemy. My heart goes out to you all. It was only a matter of time before someone requested Alter Bridge and Godspeed. The finest song I’ve come across about loss. My bereavement go to track.

Test me once again
You know I didn’t do anything
Set my life on low
You know I could have had it all
Drifting out of place
With no direction and no escape
Set out all alone
Oh to a place I don’t belong
Without you
I know that I must change
Without you
I’ll never be the same
No
Farewell
Godspeed
And goodbye
You have lived
And you have changed
All our lives
Test me all the way
Surely you know
I’m not afraid
Prove now once again
That I will never see the end
Without you
I know that I must change
Without you
I’ll never be the same
Farewell
Godspeed
And goodbye
You have lived
And you have changed
All our lives
Cast away
Our regrets and all our fears
Just like
Like you did when you were here
And then the days
They ran out
And then the days
They ran out
Farewell
Godspeed
And goodbye
You have lived
And you have changed
All our lives
Cast away
Our regrets and all our fears
Just like
Like you did when you were here
And then the days
They ran out
And then the days
They ran out

Lyrics by Tremonti/Kennedy (source Musixmatch)

Even after a few hours the cars and aeroplanes are still missing. The world may still have stopped. But son is finally rousing himself. Our little world cannot permanently stop. He has a childhood to live and enjoy. So one more sip of my hot drink and find that happy face. Reach for that bag of tricks we all have and find a way to shut this horrible situation out for a while. Start having as much fun as we can. Let’s keep living and hope the world starts turning again real soon.

Stay safe my friends and I really hope you find your own way to smile. Maybe if enough of us do this then we might just be able to start the world turning again.

120 thoughts on “Sitting here”

  1. I know your pain. I lost my husband on 6/17/18 and my son on 7/16/19. Now this. I can only watch a little. I want to cry and I also want to stand up and say, “I’m not getting this!” I can’t deal with more loss. I’m trying to stay home as much as possible. Stay safe, you and your son.

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  3. I hope you both found good reasons to smile today. Bash was a trial today, and Biff through up in the car on our way home from the bank, so *I* was in a stinky mood for the rest of the day. Still, we do soldier on. And dangit, it is beautiful whenever the birds fly by. So I’ll take solace with some coffee outside tomorrow morning, and watch nature move forward even if our society cannot.
    Hugs to you from Wisconsin!

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  5. I tell ya… if the idjits I saw out & about this evening when I went to get meds for me and Ben are what turns the world…🙄😱
    I will keep doing my part, in kindness and love. I will keep laughing and dancing. I will keep sending hugs to all my friends…💌💌

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  6. I remember the feeling- my dad at 63 died on a beautiful, sunny June day. And the world continued without notice.

    I ran for my life on 9/11-feels very much the same now. It eventually got better, hopefully it will now. Scary. Be strong for your son. I needed to be, too, at that time.

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  10. Wonderful song & tribute!

    I’m 5 miles from a fairly busy commercial airport. I heard/saw a few Cessnas over the weekend but not a single commercial or lear jet. It’s gonna be hard to adjust when they return!

    We’ve been instructed/recommended not to grocery shop or pick up prescriptions this week. I have to do both.

    I’m currently hearing that markets are making aisles one-way… it’s about time!!

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  11. Those are beautiful lyrics. We live a stone’s throw away from Nice airport but rarely hear the planes landing and taking off, but we can see them. Nice is France’s 2nd busiest airport but now there’s only the odd cargo flight.

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    2. Up till a year ago an old B52-typ ed plain would fly over my house, really low, 3x a day in summer. I learned it was taking cargo to Catalina island. Last year they stopped it for some other method (prob boats) and I really miss hearing that plane!

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  12. It is 2:32 a.m. local time as I write this. Churning mind will not allow me to rest, though I badly need it. The whole world is in mourning and living life, just going about normal routines – making breakfast, making the bed, housecleaning,seems more challenging than ever. Trying to stay positive while wave after wave of negative news washes over me; trying to find the happy seems impossible at times. Aw, yes, the world has seemed to stop altogether. Yet, through the magic of the internet here we are thousands of miles apart and your words reach out to touch total strangers and kindles compassion, empathy, commiseration, and a deep longing for it all to be over with – to live the life we once knew. Grief, for those we have lost, and for those we have yet to lose can be a tortuous albatross to carry. And yet, somehow we find the strength to go on. For you it is a young son who needs you to guide him, to show him the way to live with such dark adversity, to show him what love looks like. And you do, day after day, minute after minute. For we are not put here for any other reason than to serve others; to share the miracle called life. You have a beautiful soul, Gary, and I thank you for your words, they comfort me. May you, in turn, be comforted.

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      1. Doing me best.. It is Tuesday. Nice meal nite. But after the morning spent trying to put up the new lawnmower with instructions like you never saw and the afternoon waiting to hear that oor wee man has now got the right meds for his third dose of scarlett fever after a great long carry on here, I need that meal.. LOl

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    2. It was nice. I mean I don’t speak German as a rule which made these lawnmower instructions very difficult. God know where Amazon are getting stuff right noo!! I do think though I swore in German. So boy was I looking forward to that meal

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      8. Nae disrespect tae the Germans, I just needed the instructions dans Anglaise. I did not dare go home from school when we were offered a second language in second year and I took it cos the scheme ‘scruff’ had all been put in bottom classes regardless at this ‘senior’ secondary, and I wasnae sitting there, and say I am doing German. Not to that generation. So yeah… I know the cuss words..

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  21. Every morning I find myself pulling aside the drapes and looking out to see if the world is still there. Amazingly, it is. Then, I can be grateful for a new day. Such a good thought, that maybe smiling can help the world start to turn again.

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  22. This made me think of that story in the Bible about when God stopped the Sun. He was fighting for Isreal. He’s still fighting for us. It may not feel like it sometimes, but feelings definitely can’t always be trusted. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You do express things very well and I appreciate glimpsing life through another’s eyes. I hope that makes sense!

    “So the sun stood still, and the moon stopped, till the nation avenged itself on its enemies, as it is written in the Book of Jashar. The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the Lord listened to a human being. Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel!”

    –Joshua 10:13-14

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  23. Those are such bizarre times. Your own world feels like being frozen while the world around keeps revolving. It is irritating and at the same time, it supports the healing and brings comfort that this is not the end. This post was both very poignant and filled with light and hope to me. Thank you very much, Gary!

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  25. My heart aches for you Gary, not that I think you would want it to! It’s just I am aware that life was hard for so many people before “this”, and I realize how our current situation must ramp up emotions that are already raw. Even I, who have not much to complain about (and wouldn’t think to do so now!) have to be careful what I read or pay attention to. Your son has an amazing Dad. I wish you both well.

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  26. Death is far too busy right now. Your attitude is a lesson that all can learn from. I hope many more have the fortune to find you and take some solace from your wisdom.

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  27. I hope the rest of the day included a few things to bring out a smile for you and for your son. One of these days I’ll get up as early as you, stand at my window with a coffee and share a cuppa with you as you look out of yours my friend 😊 x

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      5. Days like that can hit you out the blue can’t they? 😕
        I think handstands is a little on the ambitious side for us. We don’t want to be in A&E right now!!

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  32. Beautifully expressed. I have never heard that song before, but the words are lovely and very expressive. I do pray that you will soon be able to go out and about. I have always wanted to visit Yorkshire as I have read so many books and seen so many movies set there. It intrigues me. I have been to London for a day and a half when on a European tour. We did a stopover there before flying back to Amsterdam and then home. Where I live in Canada (Southwestern Ontario–London) we are practising social distancing, but we do still have lots of cars on the road and buses and some people walking dogs, or without dogs. I now order groceries online and have them delivered. It’s not quite the same and I can’t always get what I want, but I definitely will not starve. 🙂 Stay well.

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      1. I think that’s what intrigues me is that time warp feeling. I love the countryside and would love to take walks through that beautiful scenery. I know this will never be more than a dream, but I can at least imagine being there while watching some of my movies.

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